I can't say I've ever in my life dealt with a death so close as the one you're dealing with now. I can't say I have ever felt that horrid pain you speak about, nor do I ever wish to feel it. I can, however, say that I understand. And if I don't, then please help me to understand because I would like to be there for you.
God can allow some pretty nasty things to happen in our lives. Its really unfair that the one person who is suppose to be there for us isn't and that sucks. It really sucks that the one ultamite being we depended on is undependable. You just want to scream and God because he controls who stays and who goes. Why couldnt he have sent down his gaurdian angels to protect connor that night? I've said this to you once and I'll say it again. If you want to be mad at anyone, then be mad at God--He can handle it. Sometimes God puts obsticles in our path that seem so unfair and mean but he does it for a reason and its figuring out that meaning--That's tough. It's tough because no one wants to waste time figuring out anything when this whole time they thought they had everything figured out in the first place. There is a reason for why we are here on this earth. Why God has given each of us this thing we call life. There is a reason for why he takes it also.
Jenna I wish that I could take away this pain. It breaks my heart seeing my best friend feel such pain that truely should never be felt by anyone. When you lay awake at night crying because you feel alone, mad, or even sad. Just know that someone out there under those same stars is laying awake with you, is mad with you, and is feeling sad with you. I may not have known Connor but from what you speak of he seemed like a great guy. You will find that Connor again. He is out there waiting for you so he can sweep you off your feet just like Connor did. When your ready and you let him Connor will lead you straight into happiness. What kind of guy would he be if he didnt?
Don't ever try and stand alone. The worse thing you can do for yourself is standing alone through something so tough. Even the strongest man in the world needs some assistance. I may be unsteardy myself and have some problems of my own but if we lean on each other then we can gain strength together. I'm not here to solve your problems just support through them. I can't make you feel better, but I can try to give you reason to wake up in the morning. I cant take away your past, but I can try and give you a great future. I can't erase the pain, but I can try and help you deal with it.
Jenna, you are and forever will be my best friend. We met late in life, but I'm blessed to have met you this way. At least I realize how blessed I am to have you in my life. You are an amazing girl. You have shown me that not every girl out there is a bitch. You have taught me many things even if you think you havent. I am always here for you through thick and thin. No one deserves to stand alone. YOU dont deserve to stand alone, and I wont allow it. Please stay strong and if you need someone to talk to you know my number. If you need someone to lean on you know my address. Dont hesitate for a second.
love you always,
nik
