Enough is ENOUGH!!!!

I am lost. I am lost because I am confused. When we are in a bad relationship, or in any relationship we see for ourselves as bad, why do we stay? Why is THAT enough for us? I truely feel it is because we are afraid of what may come after. Will you find someone else? Can you move on? What if you don't find anyone else?


Today my very good friend "Anna" was upset with her boyfriend "Joe". All she wanted to do was see him and spend some time with him. Turns out this whole time Joe was in the same area as Anna and he neglected to even tell her. A constant let down she faces every morning with a side of babys cry as her morning music. So I asked her this-When is this relationship enough? When is this relationship going to be just enough for you? her response "It would be enough if he would just stop doing the stuff that he does!" I sat there in silence because I grew even more lost then before I had asked the question.


Why do we have to wait for enough to actually be ENOUGH. I feel we are constantly trying to fix men into something we dream of. We have this image of this man on a white horse putting aside his life to save ours. A dream to be saved by a selfless man on a white horse. But even he needs training too. God, it's like I am talking about a dog. Men are not dogs, but they sure need training like them. Everyone wants that perfect K-9 but you cant get that perfect dog unless you train it. Same goes for men. You cant get that PERFECT guy for you unless he is trained to your perfections. But would that be enough for him?

We never blame ourselves for staying either. It's always "Loves" fault for us staying. "If I didn't love him so much I wouldnt stay?" And then we blame our future as if that cant be altered for our own sanity. No matter what serious relationship you are in, you will ALWAYS see them in your future. They are who you know, so why wouldnt you see them in your future? Of course you can not see anyone else, you havent met anyone else.

So, when is it enough? When is any relationship enough for you? Do you stay and train a hellen keller or do you walk away? Maybe it is right to stay. If you truely love someone you should stay and help them improve themselves. As that maybe the case for marriages, that is not the case for relationships. From being around my friends and listening to them talk about their relationships my best advice to anyone who is in a relationship that constantly has its faults. a Negative feeling in the pit of your stomach-Don't waste your time. You are just asking for more let downs and heartbreaks. It is easier said then done, believe me I know. Dont assume I am writing this without any experience. I have been in the SAME relationships, asking the SAME questions, and then listening to the SAME stories being told by my friends. It is a waste of time fixing someone for youself who never wanted to be fixed for you in the first place. When you are finally in a good relationship, the guy treats you the way you deserve to be treated and doesnt need any personality training, then that is when the relationship is enough.

Walking the same tracks.

"No one will EVER understand how I feel."

" I just feel like I am all alone in this, and no one will ever get how I am feeling."

"I have no one to talk to about this because no one gets me."

Have you asked yourself any of those questions when caught in a tough situation? Or not really understand what it is your feeling to the point you believe no one else will either? We are all sitting on the same train tracks waiting for that same train to take us to where ever we need to be.

You are NOT alone. If you want someone to understand you, speak. Speak like you have never spoken before. If you write, then write as if this will be the last time you put your heart down into words. This is the moment to truely allow people in to your world and express what your feeling. You will be surprised at how many people say "I am going through that too. I thought I was alone in this as well." Or " I had no idea you felt his way." Or maybe even "Now I understand where you stand- I get you."

It is truely just a release and a weight off your shoulders knowing that someone is carrying that same weight. Now you two can carry that burdon together and all of a sudden it doesnt seem so heavy. The world doesnt seem so heavy on your shoulders when others are holding it up with you for the same reasons or the same feelings. Life is a peaceful place and all at once you dont feel alone. Yes, the situation your in may still be there causing you pain- But the feeling of being alone has digested itself away. You are not alone when you want to be heard, seen, or valued.

"Everyone wants to be valued. We all want to know. Do you see me? Do you hear me? and Does what I say mean anything to you?" Oprah said that and my response to that and to you is this.

You are valued. I see you. I hear you. And what you say will always mean something to me.

I Pinky Swear.

Remember when you were 8, sitting with your best friend. You each made a promise and to seal that promise you made each other pinky swear. How deep of a promise that was at that moment. You now were committed to your best friend. Loyalty was at an all time high. Now that your older, making a pinky promise means nothing to you. Just some childish tradition that ends the moment you learn how to diseave the people you care about. The moment you find your way out of a pinky promise is the day you lose a bit of your trust.

Maybe we need to go back to our 8 year old days were promises really meant something to us. Maybe instead of sealing our vows with a kiss, instead, seal it with a pinky swear. Maybe it'll mean more. Maybe that should be our new ending to the wedding ceremonies. Nothing would happen, since no one take those vows seriously. If you dont take the vows seriously, then whats the point of marriage? Why bother getting married if you have the risk of ending it later.

Today, I am afraid of committing myself to marriage. Will my future husband take those seriously? Will sealing our vows with a kiss be enough or will I go back to my 8 year old self and gain commitment that is found sealed within a pinky swear or maybe a kiss?