I can remember 14 months ago. Holding my emma joyce in the hospital room, just her and I, alone. I had no visitors. I had no nurses or doctors in the room. It was just me and my emma. As I was holding my daughter in my arms I began to study her. Amazed that this little person grew inside me. I observed every inch of her because I obviously never made something like this before. She was sleeping and she slept as if she had been sleeping in my arms forever, so at home-she was.

Then I took a moment, looked around the room, and it dawned on me. I am alone. family and friends came to visit but by the end of the day it is just emma and I. I had no boyfriend, no husband. I never felt so alone in all my life. Never have I felt so scared to be in a situation I had to embrace by myself. Never have I felt so unprotected from any force that could possibly knock me down. Even though I had always wanted to be a mom, never did I want it to be this way. I atleast wanted to be married first. How embarrassing it was to sit in a hospital room and be alone. No one could see me but I felt like I was center stage under the big light. How could I have been so careless? 'Till this day I have no answer to that.

Still holding my new born, daughter, in my arms i slowly began to cry. She came into this world and into a life I did not want her to be in. I wanted her to come into the world with a home, a mommy and a daddy, her own room. She did not have any of that..just a mommy and a home. But it's not her home its grandma and grandpas home. She has a room but its mommy's room too. Holding Emma Joyce, I gave her a hug, held a kiss to her forehead and the only thing I could say to my daughter was "I am so sorry."