It was only just a dream

Once I had this dream. I dreamed I was getting married. I saw my white dress that fit me like a glove and the bridesmaids looked beautiful in their gold silk dresses. Some had their hair up, others down. They began to walk, 10 red roses each in their hands, down the candle lit isle. I saw my Dad standing next to me preparing to walk his only daughter down the isle that stood before us. My Future was at the end of this isle. Standing at the beginning of the isle my dad leans in and whispers "You ready?" I didn't feel ready but my feet told me I was as I began to walk that candle lit isle. I saw My families faces, saw their clothes, their hair, and even their smiles. I saw the priest as he awaited my arrival, he was a pro by now. And then there he was, my groom, Stood in a black and white tux. I couldn't see his face, I didn't have to. In my dream I felt like I loved him.

I often think about that dream and wonder who that man was standing at the end of the isle. When I go on dates or meet guys I begin to like, I put their faces to mysterious groom in my dream- It never quite fits. Then I start to think- What if there is no mystery? Maybe he doesn't exist. I shouldn't think like that, but it's hard not to when every woman I know who has a baby finds a man before her next breath.

Is it me? I ask guys this all the time and I feel they know the truth but have the fear of telling me it. I wish guys would just give me a chance to really show who I am. I wish they could see me the way my friends and family see me. I don't ask for much, I just want someone I can depend on. Someone to show my daughter the way a guy SHOULD treat a woman. I'd like respect. The more alone I am and the more I think about the guy I want in my life, the more I come to grasp that it may not happen. I may just be alone for the rest of my life. Just me and my daughter.

I often think about that dream because finally a man wanted me enough to marry me. This isn't depressing and this isnt a cry out for attention. I hear my friends tell me "you'll find someone soon." Mean while they are already on their 5th relationship and I can't even start 1. I just want to know if its me or not. Id like to love someone, I think I could be really good at loving someone, if given the chance. I know I'd make a great girlfriend and I know I'd make an amazing wife. I just want a chance, I'm tired of always getting the short end of the stick. I'm tired of waiting and being patient. I don't want to accept loneliness.